Light the Night 2009

The Light the Night fundraising walk for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society was this past Saturday night, September 26th. It was a very spiritually uplifting night for me. Cindy Buckhalter and Debbie Fong (my friends at Downey Brand) took the reigns in forming a team. Cindy designed a t-shirt "Vicki's Light" and Debbie Elder modeled her own hand for the t-shirt. "Vicki's Team" raised over $1,200. That is just awesome!! I know first hand that LLS uses that money very wisely for research and for patient assistance, both of which I have benefited from. If it were not for the continuing research funded by LLS I would not have had the treatment options I did have when I was diagnosed with recurrent non-hodgkins lymphoma this past spring. And when I went through my first treatment 9 years ago my husband and I were both sick and quickly went from a 2 income family to 2 people on disability. The patient assistance I received at that time from LLS helped me with copays and medications and allowed me to focus on getting well instead of worrying about whether I would be able to afford my treatments. Saturday was a hot evening but everyone was a trooper and we marched around the State Capitol together with red and white lighted balloons. Thanks to everyone who contributed to the fundraiser and thank you to Cindy Buckhalter, Debbie Fong, Debbie Elder, Karen Flores, Anne French, Kim Josephson, Brooke Bartley, Martha Lacey and her friend Jackie, and Bob and Mya for your fundraising efforts and for the wonderful walk around the Capitol. I love you guys!!

NEW SCAN APPOINTMENT

They just called with the date and time of my new scan which will be Tuesday evening, September 29th. That means I will have to fast all day but that's okay, it needs to be done so my doctor will have my results by my October 2nd morning appointment with him. I am so excited to be getting the scan because of the possibility I could be at a complete remission. I am also really scared because of the possibility I could still be at a partial remission or have gotten worse. I have had some recent bouts of nausea and dizzy spells so I am not venturing away from home too much by myself right now. I had to cancel my yoga on Friday. I did yoga this morning but then I fell asleep for a couple of hours as soon as Michelle left because I was so worn out. But that's okay, I still think considering everything I am doing well. This last week of the chemo pill seems grueling. I can't wait to get through this bottle and then have at least a week off. Further treatment will hinge on the results of the scan and I won't know anything until that October 2nd appointment. All and all I've had a really good month. My birthday was September 4th and I've pretty much been celebrating the whole month. I remember last spring when I got the results of my first scan and it looked so bad I wonder if I would make it to my next birthday. But here I am, still fighting and not ready to give up. My birthday kicked off the day before when some of my friends from work took me to Zokku for lunch. It was so nice to get together with them and I always love Zokku. The next day my son Christopher came for a couple of days for my birthday. He took me to lunch at Hot Italian after I picked him up from the train. Super yummy pizza! My son Scott and his wife Mattea had a family BBQ at their house on my birthday and it was wonderful. I just love it when all my family gets together. I have had many lunches and dinners since then because I have such fabulous friends but I think the birthday celebrations are over. My son Jeff is having a birthday this Thursday so it will be another get together but for him this time. I can't believe my baby is going to be 27! He is such a big help to me. He checks on me all the time and comes by every week to mow my lawn and help me with whatever I need. All my family and friends have really been here for me. My sister, Sis, is always driving me places when I need help and I can always count on her and my Mom to go with me to my appointments. One day at a time. I just want to get through this week - which I will. I am so praying this scan shows that I am in a complete remission. Please keep me in your prayers. I so believe the power of prayer has gotten me this far. Thank you.

September 3rd Doctor Appointment

I saw my oncologist, Dr. Wun, on September 3rd for a checkup and to get approval and orders for cycle 4 of my chemo drug. I had been thinking about it for awhile and decided to ask him at that appointment what he really thought my prognosis is. Dr. Wun is not only an expert in his field but has become a caring friend over the last 10 years. I trust and value his opinion. He related to me that he thinks I am making great progress and he thinks the improvement I made after 2 cycles is good. He brought up my scan from the beginning and compared it side by side with my scan from early August. Although there is still a lot of cancer throughout my body and organs, it plainly showed how my spleen has gone back to a normal size and no longer has the black spots on it. The solid black across my abdomen is definitely broken up by grey areas and improving. My neck no longer has the thick black lines down each side, but rather just a dot at the jaw line. My tumors are shrinking to varying degrees and no new cancer areas. Dr. Wun explained that these lymphomas do not melt away over night, but that he does think over time it will go away. It is his opinion that I will be well again. It was definitely a big relief to hear him say that. It gives me the renewed hope and encouragement I need. I will have a new scan on September 28th or 29th and then meet with my doctor on the morning of October 2nd to discuss the results. I am aiming for a complete remission. If I am at a partial remission I may have to have an additional 4 infusions of the Rituxin like I did in July on 4 consecutive Mondays. It will be a big day and I will know at that time what my next step in treatment will be and what my life will most likely be like in the coming months. I started doing Yoga on M-W-F mornings a few weeks ago. It is hard for me but I am determined to stay strong and ready to be well. My friend Michelle who I use to weight train with at 24 hour is a certified yoga instructor and kindly agreed to come to my house to make it as easy on me as possible. I need to take a little cat nap so I will go for now, but keep me in your prayers. I am looking forward to my scan and next doctor appointment. I will post again soon now that I have internet. I did 2 posts in 1 day! Woo Hoo! God Bless. ~Vicki

CYCLE 4

I finally have internet at home so I will be able to post more often. Sorry it has been so long. After my August doctor appointment the whirlwind of medical appointments finally slowed and I started coming to terms with my illness, my treatment and everything that has happened. I kept thinking, that poor girl. Then I would realize that girl is me and this is happening to me - again. After 9 years I was so shocked that I had relapsed. And I can't even feel sorry for myself because I am not immune - tragedies happen every day and things far worse than what I am going through. Why me? Why not me? But I feel blessed. I get so much strength from God. I get so much strength from my family and friends. I get so much strength from my precious 3 little grandsons. Have I mentioned how beautiful and funny they are? Yes, to everyone I know I am sure and to strangers. I am sure I am the most obnoxious grandmother ever but I don't care. I can't help it if I have the best little grandbabies ever! ;-) I have so much joy in my life and cancer has not been able to take my joy of life from me. I won't let it...I refuse to let it take any more than it already has. But I've had moments...and I have had days...when Iam trying to remember how strong and happy I am and the tears flow anyway. On the hottest day last week my air conditioning wouldn't work and after an expensive service call I was told it was because I didn't put the door back on after I changed the filter. I had left it off so my son could make sure the filter was in correctly before I dealt with that heavy awkward metal door. And a sprinkler head busted so water was flowing to the gutter when the sprinklers came on that morning and I kept thinking about how much water I had wasted. The disability people told me there would be a 2 to 4 week delay in my disability check and it made me feel so vulnerable and I kept thinking about the people who don't have any backup and how horrible it must be for them. And the tears flowed. I just decided to let them flow because it just takes way too much energy to hold them back. And energy is what I am most in short supply of these days. I started cycle 4 on September 7th. The week before was my week off meds and I really felt good that week. But as I take the chemo pills, as the days go on, I get more and more zapped for energy. I was juicing which helped me a lot...but then I started having days where I was too tired to deal with the juicing. I am going to try to force myself because I know I will feel better. In fact, I am going to go juice right now...and then I will post again later today about my September doctor appointment and my September birthday. Bye for now. ~Vicki