Bone Marrow Biopsy Result

I finally called yesterday to see if my result was in. My clinical trial nurse, Chris, is super nice and always easy to reach. They don't have the final report with all the ugly details, but they did have enough to tell me that yes, there is cancer in my bone marrow. It's not that I was surprised, but I was very disappointed. I am always hoping and praying for that unexpected result, the one that indicates there is no involvement of my bone marrow and I'm getting better. I am always hoping to wow the doctors. And, I will...just not yet I guess. I remember the first go around nine years ago, and things just seem to get worse and worse and worse...before it gets better. Just when you think things can't get any worse, they usually do. But just as I was feeling the disappointment and my spirits starting to slump...I picked up Austin who was just waking from his nap. He gave me a big smile and snuggled into my shoulder...no things aren't worse, everything really is perfect. Babies just make everything in the world right - even cancer. Later in the day I got out my UCD folder and was looking at copies of test results from my May 1st, scan and that was exactly the wrong thing. It was bad enough to see the actual scan picture of my body on the computer, but reading the result in black and white - it just couldn't sound any worse...a lot of technical stuff and medical terminology I didn't undersand, but I do understand liver, spleen, sacrum, lungs, femur, just to name a few. Good lord, my lungs! My doctor didn't mention my lungs. Is there some part of my body NOT lymphoma involved! I guess they weren't kidding when they said all over my body. Then my oncologist called to see how I was doing after 3 days on the first clinical trial drug. I had to remind him I hadn't started it yet. The clinical trial requires another CT/PET scan, which is scheduled for Tuesday, before I can start the drugs. So I have less than a week to wow the doctors, but I'm working on it, trying to heal through alternative more natural means, and through rest, nutrition, exercise, music, laughter, and of course these very therapeutic little babies. I am so happy when I am with them, nurturing them, taking care of them. They are so amazing which I think can be attributed to their amazing mommy and daddy. I am hoping and praying for an improved scan. All things are possible and I think it will be better. Maybe that will be the time for me and God to wow the doctors. Thank you everyone for all of your kind words, thoughts and prayers. I have all of the cards on my mantel and read them over and over. And the baskets of goodies that the girls from work gave me...it warms my heart and heals my spirit everytime I think about my awesome friends. Keep me in your prayers. Love you, Vicki